No Words

Yesterday I lost a good friend to suicide. There are no words to describe the pain. I was just his friend. His family must feel the pain ten thousand times worse. There are no words to describe their pain. I thought I knew him and we talked many times about matters deep. Lots of words that didn't really reveal his pain. No words can describe his pain.

Today the questions accumulate likes the leaves that are falling in my yard. Why? No words can give us answers. If someone could just explain. Just wait, let me ask him ~ "Why?" No words come from him who is silent to me and those who love him. No words. No answers. Only why.

I know, I'll pray. He loved the same Lord I do ~ the same Lord his family does. Where are the words to form those prayers. I'm stumped. There are just no words. There are only cries and pain.

A glimmer of a passage that has been hidden in my heart begins to whisper to me. I've shared this verse with others who mourn. I know they're words that can help me. Help us.

"And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will." Romans 8:26-27

It's ok to have no words. Tears are enough. Groans are enough. Jesus is enough. The Spirit that He has given those who believe are filled with enough because He is enough. He knows our hearts and He pleads for us. He intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. Oh beloved one He groans for us in unearthly interpretation. God hears. God answers. God comforts.

Christ knew my friend's heart and knew he loved him. It's alright to not know why. In His great mercy Jesus took him at the split second where doubt and pain collide. The debris of this tragedy has rumbled the hearts of many who loved him. Yet I know he's with his Lord. There are no words to describe the world he's in now. It's a heavenly world where there is no pain ~ no tears.

And so I depend on the holy words of my Lord. I let grief wash over me as a baptism of sorts. Relief is slow in coming. I've decided to allow the Holy Spirit to wash over me with each wave. I give my words in prayer over to His perfect phrasing. He hears and interprets. He speaks and I listen. I'm still. I'm silent. There are no words to describe the peace that comes from Jesus.

To my friend's family I have no words. They only fall flat. Just know that I am mourning with you. I love you. I want to take the pain away. I can't. I pray through the Spirit that Christ has given me. He's given Him to you as well. Just cry, mourn, love, hold on. The Spirit prays in holy groans for you and me before the throne. We can be sure God hears. We can know God answers. God does have the right words and I trust those words to Him.

First Stone

I can feel the weight of it in my hand. It's rough edges dig into my palm and fingers as I squeeze. Every once in awhile I toss it up and then catch it with the same force I use to squeeze it. The target sits wriggling in front of me as I begin to take aim and raise the stone up to hurl it at the object of my distain. Man, this is going to be good. It's about time someone laid out the truth and took aim at the lies and deception.

I hear a voice that says to me, "Throw the first stone. You have every right to but only if you haven't lied or deceived others yourself." Slowly I release the pressure on my stone of justice. It falls scrapping against my leg and hitting my foot on the way down to the ground. My own blood trickles from the wound it has caused. Looking down I see my stone. Its still. Its useless without my hand to weld it.

This isn't the first time I've picked up the stone to nail someone. Sometimes I hit my target ignoring the voice that dares me to drop the stone. This time I obey this voice because I know that I have lied and deceived. I know that I am guilty too.

There is another stone that appears in my sight as I lift my head from my shame. The voice came from that direction. Somehow I know that the voice and the stone are the same. From this stone I see others placed upon it and a beautiful building rising from it. Somehow I know that this stone is holding all the others up.

The urge to touch the stone grows strong within me. I run from the stone that I just dropped and as I do I look at the object of my distain. The head slowly raises and I see the face of my intended victim. It's my face. I'm the guilty one. I'm the one who deserves the weight of the stoning. The voice from the cornerstone of this beautiful building bids me to come. I do. I run with all that is within me.

When I reach the stone all I can do is collapse. Everything that is within me cries out to it. Looking up I see Him. He's full of love for me. I see it in His eyes. Slowly He pulls me up to face Him face-to-face. He says, "Look around. Is there anyone who condemns you now? Go and live with My Love. Remember this moment when sin creeps in and begs you to wallow in it. Remember Me."

Jesus is the Stone I must always hold on to. I never want to pick up any other stone. He alone is my Rock and my Redeemer.

"Look! I am placing in Zion a choice and precious cornerstone. No one who has faith in that one will be disappointed." 1 Peter 2:6

No Comparison

I love to knit. My family teases me about it all the time. I don't know why but knitting soothes me. It keeps my mind from racing to different thoughts. Some of the thoughts I have are silly ones like,"I wonder what my hair would look like if I didn't color it" or "Is that the dog that's stinky or..." Other thoughts are deep and sometimes troubling. I compare myself to others'accomplishments and wonder "what if?."

Do you ever do that? Compare yourself to others. Do you mentally place yourself side-by-side with those who seem to have accomplished more or have good hair days every day? Well, I do. Am I wasting my time or am I using it wisely. Should I have ....? Would I have....? Could I have....? Will I ever....? Am I strong enough? Brave enough? Pretty enough? Thin enough? Exercise enough? Am I enough?

So I knit. Big deal! It keeps me from thinking too much. Don't worry I'm not down. Actually God has used my knitting to bring me to Himself. I knit to bless others and while I knit I pray for the ones who are going to receive what I am knitting for them. It's a blessed time and I really feel God's presence.

Did you know that God knits? HE DOES!!! REALLY!! Psalm 139:13 says, "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb." The great Creator God knits. He knitted you and me in our mother's wombs. It goes on to say, "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." God made you and I reverently (fearfully) and miraculously (wonderfully) created (made).

We are not some hapharzard creation. Its sort of like when I plan my next knitting project. I look through patterns and choose colors and textures. I think about what the piece is to be used for and who it will bless. The same is true for us. God chooses the exact pattern He will create us by (of course He's the author of that pattern) and He chooses the color and texture we will be. He also thinks about how our lives will bless and affect those we come into contact with.

So when we compare ourselves to others it is like comparing apples to oranges. There is no comparison to be done. We were each planned for and "knitted" by the hand of God. He doesn't want us sizing ourselves up to others.

God does want us to compare one thing though. He wants us to compare Him to other "gods" in our lives.Isaiah 40:18-20 (The Message) says this, "So who even comes close to being like God? To whom or what can you compare him? Some no-god idol? Ridiculous! It's made in a workshop, cast in bronze,Given a thin veneer of gold, and draped with silver filigree. Or, perhaps someone will select a fine wood— olive wood, say—that won't rot, then hire a woodcarver to make a no-god, giving special care to its base so it won't tip over! "


God tells us that there is NO comparison. If there is no comparison, because there is no greater god and this incomparable God created us uniquely, then why do we compare ourselves with others?

The answer is...we shouldn't and we must not. God knit us to be who we are. I want to live with that kind of mindset. I am going to stop thinking that I'm not enough and begin to believe that I am enough because God is enough. What about you?

"Reasonless Fear"

Sometimes I am so afraid and I can't put my finger on why. Mirads of thoughts run through my mind like rain rushes down into the culvert collecting all the debris that the storm stirred up. I can't stop the movement of my thoughts and I feel despair.

I know that I am not alone. Others feel like this too I suppose. Can they sort through the undefined fears that plague them too? Is it easier for them? Or is it just me? Do I just need to try harder to not be so scared.

I'm a Christian and I know that I am suppose to have all this faith. Is it my fault that fear gets to me?
As I walk along the flooded streets of my mind I feel two presences. One seems to taunt me by picking up the rubble left by the storm and hurling it at me. I dodge but over and over I get hit and I feel so much despair.

The other presence is still but walks silently beside me. I feel love from Him. And yet I know that I have to ask Him for help. He is gentle and doesn't push Himself on me. I like this about Him. Unlike the other presence He doesn't hurl anything at me. He doesn't remind me of my failures and my fears. He just loves me.

When I choose to focus on the gentle presence the haunting presence retreats. It's like it doesn't have the strength to continue to taunt me. The more I look into the deep love that fills the pools of His eyes. I'm drawn in to them and find myself falling into a deep soft love so strong and sweet.
The fear is only a faint echo of my past reminding me not to turn away from my true love, my God, my Jesus. I sink into Him and feel extreme freedom.

"So don't you see that we don't owe this old do-it-yourself life one red cent. There's nothing in it for us, nothing at all. The best thing to do is give it a decent burial and get on with your new life. God's Spirit beckons. There are things to do and places to go! This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It's adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike "What's next, Papa?" God's Spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are. We know who he is, and we know who we are: Father and children. And we know we are going to get what's coming to us—an unbelievable inheritance! We go through exactly what Christ goes through. If we go through the hard times with him, then we're certainly going to go through the good times with him!" Romans 8:14-16 (The Message)

"Know For Sure"
I walked into her hospital room to change her colostomy bag and bathe her. She was 99 years old. I loved taking care of her because she intrigued me. What was she like when she was my age? At the time I was all of 27 years old. This part of being a registered nurse was the part I adored ~ taking care of those who couldn’t take care of themselves.
As I stood her up on her unsteady legs, walked her to her chair and gently lowered her, I asked, “Are you ready to go home to be with Jesus soon?” She answered, “I hope so but I don’t know if I will get to or not. I tried to live a good life and raise my family in church. But I just don’t know.”
I was so shocked. Someone her age should know where she was going when she died. My words and thoughts revealed my naiveté. I had just assumed that all “old people” had made their peace with God. So my questions were probed into an area that she was unsure of herself. Her spiritual feet were as unsteady as her 99-year-old ones.
As I bathed her and took care of her needs. I told her that she could be sure of her eternal life and proceeded to tell her about Jesus and that all she had to do was ask Him to be her Savior. It was not too late and she could know for sure.
She looked up at me and I saw a child’s eyes dance in the face of an old woman. I could see hope and excitement like I had never experienced before. She believed Jesus and I know she rests with Him now.
I wonder what her life had been like if she had known about the safety found in Jesus when she was my age. For 99 years she wondered whether she was good enough to go to heaven after she died. At 99 she chose to build the rest of her life on the solid foundation of Jesus.
It wasn’t long before she stepped into eternity with Him. Can you even image what that was like for her? She is walking strong in eternity with the One who had always loved her beyond her imagination.

As I look at my own life I am grateful that at 49 I can say for sure that Jesus is real and that He loves me. It gives me such peace. It doesn't mean that my life is not full of struggles and pain. Everyone has that, some more that others. It does mean that I am not alone and that this life is temporary. It is just a mist, a mere vapor.
Eternitty is the real life. This one is just the priliminary to the next. As we live here on this earth with all its crud as well as all its joys we need to lean heavily on the One who loves us most.
Don't wait until you are 99 and still wondering were you will be in the next part of your existence. You can be sure now. God loves you so much! Now, decide to really love Him back.

"Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength." Deuteronomy 6:5

"Dancing On Daddy's Feet"

When I was little I loved to dance on my Daddy’s feet. With my arms stretched up to meet his hands and my feet planted firmly on his we would move as one. My movements were controlled by his. But the minute I would step down we were no longer insync.
My dance with my Heavenly Father is the same. As I place my full weight on His feet, stretching my arms and hands upward, grasping firmly, we dance in perfect rhythm. His movements gently and safely move me around the dance floor of my life. In this heavenly dance I feel His delight and love. I am delighted too!
The moment I take my feet off of His, I feel myself losing the rhythm and delight that I experienced with Him. Like a perfect gentleman He doesn’t yank me back up on His feet. He waits for me to climb back up and stretch out my arms to His loving grasp.
Everyday I have to decide whose feet I am going to dance on ~ mine or His. It is a conscious decision I make. Do I want to hear His sacred heart beating as I rest my head on His mighty chest? My spirit says, “YES!” Yet my dance card becomes filled with other partners and I don’t start the day with Him.
Why don’t I always choose the best? So today I choose to place my feet on His and allow Him to take me across the dance floor. It feels so good to rest in His loving embrace.

"You turned my wailing into dancing; You removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to You and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever." Psalm 30:11-12

Are you tired?

Matthew 11:28-30 (The Message)

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."

Jesus walked this earth just like all people do. He was faced with joys and sorrows, pain and loneliness, persecution and praise. He isn't someone who cannot sympathize with us. So when you read the verse above, read it with the knowledge that He really does know what we are going through.

Let's breakdown this passage:

Jesus asks three questions:
1. Are you tired?
2. Burned out?
3. Tired of religion?

First, let's look at being tired. Jesus is addressing our physical tiredness here. We all seem to run ourselves ragged and don't really take care of ourselves. But, when we finally reach the bed at night we can't sleep well for all the thoughts running in our minds. We can't find the shut-of switch.

Second, Jesus addresses being burned out. This is mental tiredness. People everywhere tire mentally. It's part of being human and trying to figure out life. That shut-off switch is found here but because of all the muck there we can't see, to find it.

Third, Jesus talks about being tired of religion. Jesus wasn't religious. He was and is relational. He exibits this in His close relationship with God the Father and He calls us all into this wonderful relationship. This relationship with God through Jesus is full of delight.

Jesus then answers these questions by saying, "Come to me. Get away with me and you will recover your life." Again He states His answer with three things:

1. Come to me- We must decide to get up and come towards Him. This often takes physical effort to get up and move away from the stressors in our lives and move towards Him.

2. Get away with me- This is a mental decision we make. We have to decide to allow Him to lead us away from the troubles and troubling decisions we have made.

3. Recover your life- Jesus offers a new life, an eternal life with Him beginning now. He promises to walk us through this life with His strength and ability.


Like a personal trainer, Jesus says, "Walk with me and work with me and I will show you how to take a real rest." He leads by example. He knew how to get up and move away from the hustle and bustle of life. He got away and talked with His heavenly Father in order to recover his life so that He would function at full strength.

Ask yourself, "Do I do these things that Jesus talked about? Do I want to really rest?" Think these things over and try them out for yourself.

I love this line, "Learn the unforced rhythm of grace." This means that we have a choice to take hold of the grace He offers us. Just like the mountain rivers run over the big boulders that stand in its way, we too can flow by grace over the boulders of life that stand in our path. Jesus doesn't force this on us. He invites us to join Him in His divine rhythm of grace.

"I won't lay anything ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you will learn to live freely and lightly." When I wear uncomfortable jeans that ride up or fall down on me I don't realize the stress until later on when I put my pj's on. Oh boy, am I comfortable then. Feeling the softeness and good fit I realize how miserable I was. Just like ill-fitting jeans, life that doesn't fit with God's plan for us create stress. It isn't until we slip into God's comfortable presence do we realize how miserable we are. We find rest.

When Jesus asks us to come to Him, get away with Him to a place where we can meet with Him, He guides us into the place where we fit. Life fits us. We have been given the gifts needed for the area He leads us. This doesn't mean we won't have hard times. It means that He will equip us with the tools we need to live.

So, are you tired? Have you physically grown weak? Are you burned out? Does your mind get bogged down? Are you tired of religion? Why not take the path of rest that Jesus offers you?

May you find the perfect rest found by following Jesus. God bless your day.