No Words

Yesterday I lost a good friend to suicide. There are no words to describe the pain. I was just his friend. His family must feel the pain ten thousand times worse. There are no words to describe their pain. I thought I knew him and we talked many times about matters deep. Lots of words that didn't really reveal his pain. No words can describe his pain.

Today the questions accumulate likes the leaves that are falling in my yard. Why? No words can give us answers. If someone could just explain. Just wait, let me ask him ~ "Why?" No words come from him who is silent to me and those who love him. No words. No answers. Only why.

I know, I'll pray. He loved the same Lord I do ~ the same Lord his family does. Where are the words to form those prayers. I'm stumped. There are just no words. There are only cries and pain.

A glimmer of a passage that has been hidden in my heart begins to whisper to me. I've shared this verse with others who mourn. I know they're words that can help me. Help us.

"And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will." Romans 8:26-27

It's ok to have no words. Tears are enough. Groans are enough. Jesus is enough. The Spirit that He has given those who believe are filled with enough because He is enough. He knows our hearts and He pleads for us. He intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. Oh beloved one He groans for us in unearthly interpretation. God hears. God answers. God comforts.

Christ knew my friend's heart and knew he loved him. It's alright to not know why. In His great mercy Jesus took him at the split second where doubt and pain collide. The debris of this tragedy has rumbled the hearts of many who loved him. Yet I know he's with his Lord. There are no words to describe the world he's in now. It's a heavenly world where there is no pain ~ no tears.

And so I depend on the holy words of my Lord. I let grief wash over me as a baptism of sorts. Relief is slow in coming. I've decided to allow the Holy Spirit to wash over me with each wave. I give my words in prayer over to His perfect phrasing. He hears and interprets. He speaks and I listen. I'm still. I'm silent. There are no words to describe the peace that comes from Jesus.

To my friend's family I have no words. They only fall flat. Just know that I am mourning with you. I love you. I want to take the pain away. I can't. I pray through the Spirit that Christ has given me. He's given Him to you as well. Just cry, mourn, love, hold on. The Spirit prays in holy groans for you and me before the throne. We can be sure God hears. We can know God answers. God does have the right words and I trust those words to Him.